Pain does not last forever.
I will stretch my arms, fill my lungs with morning air, close my eyes and tilt my chin up towards the sun. I will embrace its warmth because sometimes I find it hard to generate my own.
And when the sun sets, I will accept the moon and the balance it brings. The cool, dark nights will not daunt me, but remind me to be grateful for each day.
Maybe it will take me 1,000 sunrises and sunsets, but I will be okay.
But there is no sun without moon and I must accept that there will be darkness from time to time. At first it might be everyday. I’ll find myself with a tight chest and tears welling in my eyes because my mind wandered to you and the way you used to pick me up and spin me around before giving me a kiss. One day a song lyric on the radio will hit too close to home and I’ll blast the music and roll down my windows so the wind dries the tears on my cheeks.
Those will be the nights when I drink until I’m comfortable enough to dance freely and sing at the top of my lungs because in the moment nothing could feel better. But the illusion will fade like a neon sign in the morning light and my heart will feel bruised again—but at least it’s no longer broken.
And just like waves pull grains of sand with every retreat to the sea, each day will numb the pain a little more until I am no longer hurt by these memories.
When the ache is no longer a burden, I will recognize that the past, present, and future are intertwined. So much so that the memories of my past that I carry in my heart cannot—should not—be forgotten; they ground my present and fuel my future. I will let you go, but I will not be afraid to remember.
Like the intimacy of a small town, I will deal with the reminders of your presence in my life. You are out of sight, but the world makes it impossible for anything to really be out of mind.
Just as birds soar without restraint, I will keep moving. There will be ups and downs but I will not let myself submit to the mercy of the wind. I have a say in what happens to me and I will be loud and determined, but I will understand that some things are out of my control and that is okay.
And I will never stop laughing. I’m okay with getting knocked down because I know I will be able to get back up. I will look back and smile and realize how much I’ve grown, how much I still have to grow. I will accept the warmth of the sun and the cool glow of the moon and eat ice cream and make changes and never stop pushing. I can not control people or opinions or the weather, but I can control my attitude and the love I share with those around me.
I am taken aback by your continued growth and ever growing sense of self, love you!